“Guys Showing Up”
Guys: How to respond when your partner shares feedback you don’t like hearing
Most people don’t like hearing feedback that we deem as negative. Men, in particular, not only don’t like hearing negative feedback, but are not skilled in responding to their partners in this situation.
Here is a fairly typical communication between partners.
Your partner gives you unsolicited feedback about something you did, or said, that she didn’t like.
A typical male response is to state that it was not his intention along with getting defensive. He may shift the blame and become resentful while pointing out his partner’s deficiencies. Finally, he may disappear in his cave for a few hours or days.
The result is that the issue never gets discussed or resolved and both parties are upset and resentful. Unhealthy!
So, what is the healthier way for men to deal with feedback they don’t like hearing?
1. Be grateful that your partner is willing to provide you with feedback; even it is the kind you don’t like to hear.
2. Don’t get defensive or angry
3. Make sure you understand the feedback by asking clarifying questions so that she knows exactly what the issue is. Restate what you think the issue is to your partner so they know you understand.
4. Listen with empathy and compassion.
5. In most situations, you have a part in the issue. What part of the feedback can you legitimately own? Whatever it is, own up to it! It is the adult thing to do and is very challenging.
6. Apologize for your part (see above)
7. Don’t offer solutions!
Stuart
